Chapter 4

Contact name: Ali Al- X  -N;*
Status: She was worth it, you weren't.

I quickly signed out of my old email whilst my mind slowly progresses. He blocked me on my current email, that made sense now. He stopped going online a month ago and I found that strange, he used to stay online 24/7 on msn...

Probably hiding his new relationship.

With my cousin.

I pushed those thoughts away, I was still in shock. The numbness was gone, my emotions were everywhere. I could feel my throat closing up, the tears welling up and filling the insides of my eyes, my tear ducts failing me as the tears slide down my cheeks.

I stuck the earphones of my iPod into my ears and played B.o.B's 'Hard to Breathe', trying to shut out the world.


And it’s so hard to breathe, yeah
And even more so to sleep when no-one cares
It was all I can eat
But now I’m sinking, so deep, I can’t come up for air

Air, I-I-I
I sink away, cause I sink away
I sink away
I sink away, I sink away
Get carried away, get carried away

I let those words vibrate through my ears before I exited msn and weakly clicked on bbm. 

Delete Ali?

[x] Yes  [ ] No

Delete ali_alX_***@hotmail.com?

[x] Yes [ ] No

Delete this picture?

[x] Yes [ ] No

And I erased him from my phone, entirely. If only it was as easy as clicking a button for erasing the hurtful memories of someone in your life.

I stared back at Nour's conversation, I wasn't strong enough to lose her too. Two people in one day? I checked the time, time had passed quickly. It was 1:24 am and Nour is known to sleep early. 

All I could do now was send her this message:

Shoug♥ -dnd:

Can we forget about what just happened? Mabe akhsirich, etha et7beena 3yal 7ebeeh, kaifech. Just don't talk to me about him again, bs khanrid mithel awal, okay?

Nwaira Al-X:

Shoug walla asfa.. ma 3areft enich kentay bit'9aygein chithe... Shoug, goulay el9ij, et7beena?

I stared at that question for what seemed like hours. The pang in my chest was still there, it hadn't faded and I'm not sure if it ever will.

I typed feverishly on my blackberry, if I took any longer on replying, she would have gotten her answer before I could even know what I truly felt.

I replied: